Saturday, June 25, 2005
"How Could You"-Mario
[Verse:]
It's kinda crazy baby,
How I remember things, (like where you came from and how you had nothin)
I went and made you fly,
Put extras on your ride, (didn't miss a birthday now u cant even remember mine)
[Hook:]
U made it clear to me (you wasn't down for me),
(Love made me blind) but now I see,
(you had things up your sleeve, dont even lie to me) I even heard it from your family
[Chorus:]
How could you let somebody lay where I layed?
How could you give him everything that we made?
How could you call him all the names that you used to call me?
How could You How Could You just forget bout me?
How Could You teach him all the things I taught You?
How Could You put him up to the Ghetto Karmasutra?
How Could You put me in the back and give him the front seat?
How Could You How Could You just forget bout me?
[Verse:]
You must be out ya mind,
You got alot of nerve (to think that im gone chill after all the shit I heard),
I damn near carried you,I could've married you,
Good thing I found out b4 I bought that 7karate for ya,
(I kno ur sick about) the way I found you out,
(GO head and pack it out) I hope he's got room in his house,
You should have thought of me b4 you hopped in the sheets,
Damn I cant believe that u did this to me
[Chorus]
[Bridge:]
Girl I tried to give u everything,
Can't believe the ways u repaid me,
Girl u had it all,
But I guess my all wasn't good enough for you,
Baby I've accepted it,
And I aint gone trip,
Girl im movin on,
Sometimes I cant help but think that another man's gonna get the one I made for me
[Chorus]
How could you let somebody lay where I layed?
How could you give him everything that we made?
How could you call him all the names that you used to call me?
How could you, How could you just forget about me?
How could you teach him all the things I taught you??
How could you put him up to the Ghetto Karmasutra??
12:58 AM
hey...today was a relaxed day..onli immunology and molecular bio (AMB) lect...haha..torturous 4 hrs but i endured it wif e relentless cold weather tis morn...lolx. my whole class actually pon AMB lect...left the 4 of us...haha..den i was lyk toking to shiya..den tiff n huiyun lyk listenin n stonin..haha..aft tt went to sdar..den nps clubhse collect stuff..den went to meet some jess they all for lunchy. While waitin for alvin to b done for his mol, i acc shiya to cant 2 there check out stuff..den went clubhse take more stuff again..den take bus hm wif jer n tiff..hah..
jus now while chatting wif my classmates and frenz, cont to hear tt almost EVERYONE's studyin n picking their books...my stomach jus flipped again. i m worried bout work but i cant conc still..hah...stared at immuno for less than 5min can slp le =X den wan do others lyk v sianz..haiz...gotta buck up.
Den, i jus received an invitation tt made me feel lyk utter shit now. Now tt i m slacking so much, neither studyin nor bia-ing..i got an invitation to join the Student Talent Development Programme (STDP). Not realli an invitation, but its a programme tt i can join if my grades can make it and they will sorta nurture u and get u diff. PSC scholarships...if u sign on and take the challenge...haiz....so fucked up. Now tt i m contented wif my slacking life, tis pop up and make me feel tt i have wasted so much time away and i cud haf gotten away wif tis easily if i hadn't lax...now is lyk i wan get tis and join tis for my family's sake...but i dun tink i can make it le...really..i noe where i stand...and wonder who else got tis invitation...i still can consider whether or not to go for the tea-party session and hear the briefing...deadline's on 29th June..if i missed it or wad...means ALL these scholarships are GONE and FOREVER far-fetched...ESP. if i m a POLY student...
But den again...how m i gonna haf the confidence wif grades lyk tt NOW and stuffs...haiz..i duno how the procedures will go but i noe i need to haf Straight As result and excellent ccas record to get it. tis is jus a path tt will lead me to it IF i can make it...but i doubt so...Tis is not a sure get it kinda tink..nothin comes free...i haf gotta do sth quick..
maybe tis letter came in to wake me up...tell me tt i've still gotta put my studies IN focus...
argh......i tink i will attend the briefing and see wad its abt..but i scared tt history repeats...aim higher, fall harder...arh...esp if i've so many stuffs up my neck now...shit...
anyway, i cut my hair alr...look lyk fading weeds now..few strands left..haha...and gonna change to a nerdy pair of spects..dun luff when u see me on the streets or in sch nect week...jus LUFF OUT LOUD can le..lolx..
okok..i stop here 1st..suddenly remb i gotta do sth else le..
tml meeting esther to get documents and stuff..hope it will be smooth..hope i dun screw up anytink i do le...haha..tc pple..
"i tink i hafta make it clear to U tt i m not good enuff kkz? as u see, i m busy and so r u...i cant sacrifice as much as i wanted so jus try to understand will ya? It sux when i m so pushed to the walls alr and i still hafta see ur face colour and mood...i m in no position to ask for more."
12:16 AM
Saturday, June 18, 2005
Inside Your Heaven
I've been down
now I'm blessed
I've felt a revelation coming round
I guess it's right
It's so amazing
Everytime I see you I'm alive
You're all I've got
You lift me up
The sun and the moonlight
All my dreams are in your eyes
I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
When the storm blows your way
I wanna be the earth that holds you
Every bit of air you're breathing in
A soothing wind
I wanna be inside your heaven
When minutes turn to days and years
If mountains fall I'll still be here
Holding you until the day I die
I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
When the storm blows your way
I wanna be inside your heaven
"No spilled milk...none at all..."
12:18 AM
Friday, June 17, 2005
wah...really tough to keep my blog active recentlyl lehz! busy busy le still let my dear classmates nag me cos me forget to update blog...=X
these few weeks been busy wif sch stuffs too...more to ccas lar...lolx...haven been studying much...so i've decided tt i m gonna try to buck up abit starting from tis wkend bah...jus a lil' at a time...eg: do my tuts and try to understand wad the heck 'cher is saying...haha...since i've been stoning for the past 1 mth+...
SAG is realli giving me big headaches i must say. Millions of things to settle but i onli haf 1 body + 1 puny cow brain..realli getting on my nerves...tink i cant be too ambitious at times...cant always expect EVERYTINK to work in MY way...cant expect EVERYONE to do as i SAY...wad's the use of having a post when pple dun respect anyway? When i dun gain e appropriate respect at impt times, i feel lyk s***...sometimes..realli feel lyk saying, "f*** it, i quit! " but the tot of another person taking over tis kind of stupid job jus doesn't help to ease the matter. i m every1's fren/pal/confidante/joker if u treat me as 1, but when it comes to work and things haf to BE done, and i m IN CHARGE, i EXPECT FULL respect and attention from tt person. Not tt i m dominant or not tt i m v demanding, but...i HAVE to ANSWER to pple ABOVE me. i haf to get tinks done. But thx anyway, for making me feel lyk s*** when u dun haf tt lvl of respect for ME nor do u haf the COURTESY to at least SHOW me tt u MIGHT haf. U jus keep shooting me IN FRONT of pple, nt even leaving a f****** place for me to stand sometimes tt i realli feel lyk slapping ur eyeballs and ask u to WAKE UP and tell u tt U haf NO RIGHT TO reprimand me in terms of work quality (cos i dun do tinks tt r worst of than u) and AGE. *breathes* i dun hold grudges or tinks lyk tt, once said out, its over, and i dun hold it against anyone, but why cant some pple LEARN to be MORE SENSITIVE towards PPLE they are with? Some can be so IGNORANT cos they are simply too self-centred at times. They onli consider facts when things are against them but feel NOTHING when its dem who make life so darn difficult for others.
This IS AGAIN, not targetted at ANYONE in particular alr...jus an observation made. i m no better cos i've got flaws too. I WANT pple to point dem out so i can learn from my mistakes, bt pls make it sure tt u are doin a BETTER job than me or tt u hav SUBSTANTIAL reasons to make me bow down to u be4 trying to push me off the cliff. Its STUPIDITY tt will work its way back to u when its onli until then den u realized tt u are not too competent either. I tink its all in my family's genes tt tinks work tis way for us, we accept comments widely from every1, good/bad. But pls be tactful in saying it. Put tinks in a nice way and send the message right. If u wan to let me understand thru' the hard way, make sure tt u can do far better than me den it will get into my stubborn head. Lolx.
get realli mad when i dun wanna hurt pple's feelings and i try means and ways to put things across as nicely as possible so tt they dun feel bad or sth but wad i get back is harsh slapping and slamming my face to the wall. Maybe i shld make clear tt there's a LIMIT to EVERYTINK. Maybe i was the joker too long tt pple tend to not take me seriously when i wan them too. I realized sometimes pple who are slightly older than their batch haf tis prob. Even tho' onli a yr older, sometimes we try to be friendlier and sociable to blend in, but we tend to get mistaken as FULL-time jokers...Phew, ok enuff of all tt gloomy stuff...jus hope pple will giv me time to improve and spare my dignity...
Okok, anyway, learnt a new short piece, Peasando, nice! Once i hear 1 bar of tt song, i lyk it le...so easy, so short but so nice..keke..tink altho' guitar i m also in comm...and haf many stuff to do, i can get relieve from the guitar practises and my own guitar playing sessions at hm..lolx..luckily i've got my guitar..if not i feng le by now..keke...
ohh, today mic, alvin, jer went to donate blood sia...nice! these kind-hearted souls! haha...i cant donate today cos was on medication...wasted..if not sure go, cos tried be4 and it felt good...keke...and aft doing LOADS of ADMIN stuffs..went to watch quarterfinals for guys of the JUE DUI SUPERSTAR...haha..went for fun..got abit lost on my way there..but not too bad lar..haha...quite interesting..muahahah...
Tml's the performance at Cathay Majestic wif the CASSC pple for the Chinese Cultural Festival...hope it will be fine...keke...being director is NOT easy...haha...Jia You pple tml! Gambette!
Oh, jus to update, my hair looks lyk a bush now...dun wan tie up in front of my class cos i look weird wif it..haha...i WANNA go CUT....ARg....
" the pressure's on me...whether or not its gonna be successful, the pressure's on me...i will put in my best...i will fight for it...i wanna make it come true for all of us...jus dun make me lose my faith..jus dun make me falter...jus dun say...NO...its impt to me...and all..."
11:25 PM
Sunday, June 05, 2005
long awaited post up now. aft 15 days, nt sure will e waiting make my blog readers lose interest..dun realli care now. Blog to my own freewill. Wanted to blog a couple of times but jus cldn't find time to blog properly. (tis blog gonna get LONG...sorry to blur ur eyes if it does..lolx)
oh well, sch has started for 2 wks. Quite ok so far. Made a fool outta myself for a few times too..ha...bled a mice for e 1st time...beaker of ethanol caught fire...overslpt so many times in jus 2 wks of sch...wadelse?
Oh, n abit laggin for tis detail, i m in NPS comm too..n e 3 of dem r nt in it. noe i shldn't b feelin it but dere's e slightest feelin of disappointed n guiltiness . Disappointed cos i expect at least sum pple i tot shld b in wasnt in. Guilty might b caused by e fact tt i had a role in my other cca, bt i was still offered a role here..its lyk depriving others of chances too..noe there are many other chances for anyone of dem to still get really involved..but feelin's still weird.
2 wks down, its alr 2 wks...and i still cant find my lifestyle rite. Its still...unbalanced. I haven been able to listen to lects and i've done NOTHIN...ZERO...to any work i m supposed to. pple might tink i m jus over-reacting cos its JUST 2 wks, but if i cant even do things promptly from e START, hw can i even feel confident of wad i CAN do as more tinks pile up... sheesh.
REcently, my routine is as such: reaching sch almost late --> fall aslp or drift off in lects --> spent every freetime plannin abt various stuff in cca --> go for ccas --> reach hm late --> do cca stuffs (cos deadlines r near) --> do till wee hrs --> fall aslp wif everytink on --> go sch n cycle repeats. Ok, i m NOT blamin my ccas, n i definitely DUN detest it. In fact, i lyk both. But m i suppose to ask myself the qn whether if my they are taking control of my life now? It SEEMS tt i haf shifted focus and shld my studies be suffering becos of it? i feel DAMN bad..and i mean DAMN bad tt i m not giving my studies the needed attention tt it shld hav bt i jus CANT leave my ccas alone. I get realli realli frustrated when everytink feels upside down.
N when i dun blame tinks for such, it gets worse. Every single family member of mine scold me for wad i m doin. I dun get to see dem often and when i c dem, all i get is scolding and hurtful comments. Mum keeps saying tt i dun care abt the family, throw a whole darn lot of family values to me and say tt i dun seem to even care ANYMORE. Dad says tt i dun keep my promises. said tt i dun keep to my words...which i m tired of elaborating more. And sis said tt guitar n sag has CHANGED me. i hav a whole darn lot to say to dem. i want to tell dem wad is goin on in my sch..my ccas..my life. I wish to tell dem all e interestin tinks tt happened...i wan dem to noe tt they are still as impt to me n tis hasn't changed at all. But i guess action speak louder than words. I CANT spare much time for dem so wad's e use of me saying. Now its jus silence n surface talks..n i hate tt. even some frenz r getting on my nerves, or shld tt be e other way round too? i was scolded tt i m putting too much in ccas, too much in sch tt they feel tt i haf forsaken dem. I mean, wad appears in front of me now is my responsibility, and in order to fulfil tt i hav to sacrifice some tinks... and it wud mean nw tt i hav less time to jus slack wif frenz or family..but tt is not equilvalent to me FORSAKING dem. How do i even start to try n get my pt across...i dun even noe. I m not good at explaining.
i tink...i m gettin selfish in a kinda way, i wish tt they WUD understand my position. But come to tink of it, if i m feelin wad they ARE feelin, and receiving wad THEY get from me, which is constant rejections and disappearance, i wud haf been angry too..so, i did sth today, i planned my day to stay at hm. its nth great i noe, but tt's a start...i stayed hm and did chores...cleaned up e hse, washed clothes, and went out for dinner wif my dad n sis. My mum's still in m'sia and couldn't witness it bt it doesn't matter. I was reluctant to start when i first took e mop but aft i started cleaning e hse, the familiar kind of feelin jus rushed back to me. I realized tt, i truly missed hm. at tt moment, flashes of me clearing up e hm wif my family so v often in e past and pieces of stuff we did together jus reappeared in my mind. It might sound cheesy but tt's hw much i've distant from dem. Suddenly, i was glad tt i made the decision to stay hm today.
many other tinks happened...n it made me tink alot. realized wad sum pple said were so true...even when i refused to admit to it sumtime ago...nw i haf to jus bow to e facts tt r slappin right str at my face. (Maybe U were right, u felt tt u weren't impt enuff in me...i insisted tt its nt true...nw i realized tt wad U felt from ME realli made u feel tis way, if it were me, i tink i wud feel e same way. thx for stoppin from there..if nt i wud haf let u down by nw. Get ur smile from sum1 else more worthy..) Anyway, its jus sad to noe how terrible a person i've been.
Nw, i will try to make sure i will set aside time for my studies (rememberin y i m here), set aside time for my ccas (holdin on to responsiblities, and also for my frenz n family. i noe tt time is in my own grip. noe 1 fact tt r/s is outta e box for da meantime cos i'll nv b able to lift up to anyone's expectations rite now..haha.. wadeva..
tml's sun n mum will b back. Decided to stay hm again. alr planned wad i m gonna do and hope i can change some tinks right slowly bit..by bit...
*duno wad m i feelin...tink its kinda wrong to feel it...tink its kinda wrong to start wif...tink its impossible...tink...tink i shld forget abt e whole darn tink n let it past...let it fade...let it be gone...i m nt up to it...suan le.*
12:45 AM
